Walking from my car to the store
through the parking lot
I wear my game face
it’s the one with the dark fixed gaze
the implicit scowl
my eyebrows forming a ridge intended to intimidate
this is the
“don’t ask me for money”
and “no I’m not signing your petition” face
it’s the “try it and risk the wrath
of my righteous indignation” face
let there to be no mistake:
it’s the “if you fuck with me
I will bite your neck in two” face
when I use this face
I just want to be invisible
and my game face
is the warning
“Do not talk to me.
I’m in a bad mood.
You’ll gain nothing.
Leave me alone.”
It usually works on most people
but every now and then
my gaze slips
and I catch a glimpse of
naked humanity
with scared and searching eyes
needing only from me
a reflection of humanity
and I know
that were the situation reversed
I would not want to be invisible
I would want to be seen, validated
and then I see
the homeless veteran
the immigrant mother with hungry children
and others crippled by shyness and fear
and I wonder if
when I go to God
will He look upon me
with His game face?
When I need confirmation
when I come to Him seeking succor
will He just keep walking past me?
Invariably I stop and the mask melts away
but I damn it
want to be angry and unapproachable!
there are some days when it’s all too much and I need my solitude!
I need my Me Time!
some people don’t have the luxury
of being able to choose
whether they need people or not
and when I think of all the ways
I have been blessed
the mask comes off
and when I think of all
the anger and misunderstanding I foment
the mask comes off
when I think of how far I’ve walked away
from God and everyone else on the planet
the mask comes off
some days
the game face wins
but most days
it comes off.
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