When I started
I wanted to be Groucho Marx
then I wanted to be John Lennon
because they looked
confident
distinct
alive
in high school
I wanted to be
Tony Manero from “Saturday Night Fever”
then I became Woody Allen
and Richard Pryor
because they helped me feel
less ashamed
that I wasn’t
White or a Christian
in college
I wrote pointless plays
trying to be Neil Simon
and I tried to love
as easily as Leo Buscaglia
then I wanted to be
an iconoclast so I tried being
Warren Farrell
and Lenny Bruce
I became a drunk
trying to write like Bukowski
and I made a lot of lousy
demo recordings trying to be
Prince
I loved and I tried
to salvage broken women
who refused my help
because I saw myself
as a mix
of Jesus Christ and
Rhoda Morgenstern:
I would prove
that I was better than the rest
by loving the unlovable
especially
since I believed
I didn’t deserve better than that
and when I
married and became Pop-o
I tried to become my own father
but that was a dead end too
especially since
he didn’t have much faith in me
until I graduated from college
so here I sit
at 43
retracing my steps
I smile at my folly,
realizing all these people
were only signposts
pointing me to
here and now
this flower is still blooming
this song is not over yet
but I know I’m closer
to the dessert than the appetizer
and I’ve only recently figured out
that I’m my own
do-it-yourself project
but if I do it right
maybe
I’ll be a signpost
in someone else’s life.
I'm still trying to sell this fakakta book, click here