“you can’t unring a bell” that’s what I thought when I woke up March 10, 1986 I was scheduled to have a vasectomy that afternoon at 2 I was keeping my part of the unspoken agreement I had made with the crazy blonde woman with whom I had an abortion on the day before Valentine’s Day the abortion was by mutual consent but the vasectomy was a unilateral decision I decided that to ensure I would never i...

Same thing happens every year: after Thanksgiving the whole world seemed to be dressed in red and green and snow white with colored lights with everyone was playing the same music and then on December 26 it all stops all the laughter all the music all the togetherness and everything just gets dark and cold and dull every January I go into my post-Christmas funk I know it's all an illusion of togetherness this worldwide party to celebrate the birth...

I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t need to walk through every beckoning doorway most doorways really do not offer anything new anyways should I leave the comforts of my room just to dance in some fiery meadow merely because it is new and looks exciting? Going from room to room I’ll never know more than newness and while newness is its own intoxicant it has also a built-in obsolescence but staying put and never venturing out into the throng of sticky and swe...

Here I go again pulling down my pants in public and hoping that I get some kind of reaction from the crowd someday I will feel better about myself and I'll no longer feel a need to lay myself bare and write about things I should've drunk from my memory long ago but they don't care these others I try to amuse they look and sniff at my writing and if it doesn't prick them or assault them they go on to the next thing this is a world gone cold and dull a...

The same songs come around every season and something about them is hopeful, comforting, exciting this is always the season I think of with love and tenderness and I had so many seasons when I was trying so hard to find someone to share my heart and dreams and I let myself be sold so cheaply which is why Christmas now feels so right. Her love is strong and true as a forest of Christmas trees and she can make everything pretty and sparkly without benefit of sn...

Finally he is the happiest man he knows his beloved came to him and took him in and let him stand and be adored and all he could do was let her love and attention wash over him in tidal waves of sweetness and warmth She did not bring him happiness but she did bring him love and he never wanted for happiness again and he wasn’t Mr. Right but he was a good and her love made him Mr. Right and he tried to do the same for her the best that we can ever be ...